I can't quite get myself to say HAPPY with New Year yet.
I am so thankful to all of you who have helped me through this journey and for those of you who continue to support me in so many amazing ways.
I have spent time with the grand boys and my kids. I have started a very part time job that is an absolute miracle in fit and focus. I have been given time and freedom and security to heal. I have been included into the local community with open arms.
But this is all the PollyAmy stuff.
The easy stuff.
It's not the gritty truths that Tracy was so fond of sharing and you all were so brave in receiving.
I really had expected to continue Tracy's blog with a bold diligence and consistency. It's not that I have forgotten. It's that it's a lot harder than I thought to just pour out what I am thinking or feeling without regard to others. It's not others opinions of my writing that is my issue. It's the thought that I may hurt or upset others. Our truths are not pleasant ones in many cases. What is the balance that justifies this risk?
There are so many really unpleasant facts of our journey that I haven't shared because that is not my nature. But if I could save anyone from any of the unnecessary suffering we went through I feel it's worth it and yet....I find myself not writing.
I get called or emailed from a variety of people with health issues and I have no problem sharing exuberantly the "truths" of our situation with them directly because I know there is no emotional shrapnel to have to consider.
I still get correspondence from people who share how helpful and inspiring Tracy's writings were and are to them. THIS is why I am interested in continuing to put myself in the trenches instead of leaving ALS far behind. In my search to find the TRUTH about ALS and healing I had so many helpful people who gave us information, guidance, encouragement and hope. This allowed us to LIVE each day instead of counting the days until we died. THIS is Soooo important for the world to understand.
So many people have encouraged me to write our story.
They have provided beautiful journals and have provided information and connections.
If I can't write a blog post how would I ever get the courage to write a book?
People keep telling me to focus on myself. Don't worry about others at this point in my life they say.
Helping others IS helping myself I think loudly to myself. This feels healing to me.
So much to consider.
The journey continues.
Thanks for listening.
