Sunday, November 12, 2017

Believe it or not

 So today's post is about belief which to me ties directly into hope which to me ties directly to your chances of surviving any chronic disease diagnosis
To me this is at the core of one of the biggest problems of the  Healing ALS journey.
From the moment you are diagnosed you are told repeatedly- 
There is NO HOPE.
As a certified hypnotist I will tell you that having a highly respected person of authority make a shocking statement that is emotionally charged and plays on your worst fears and then repeating - there is NO HOPE over and over again is Hypnosis 101 in the most harmful way.  
It's the basic formula for any brainwashing recipe and it is used in cults commonly. 
Look it up.  
Don't BELIEVE anything I say.  
Look it all up yourself and make sure you are finding what YOU believe to be true and not just taking what you hear or see as fact.  

If you have NO HOPE then you will not try to heal. How can you achieve a goal you are not trying to reach?
 Doctors make sure they do not give you False Hope for they fear they could be sued.  
Doctors do NOT want to be sued.

The term false hope seems to be an oxymoron.  

You either have hope=the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best or you don't.
False hope means what you believe to be achievable is in direct opposition to another person's opinion that many times they believe to be fact.  They BELIEVE there is no hope.  They say it is a FACT.
This brings the question to light-what is a FACT?

Fact-(according to 3 different dictionary sources) a thing that is known or proved to be true, something that actually exists; reality; truth. a statement that is true or can be proved with evidence.
In these definitions -WHO is doing the proving? What is their motivation?  What evidence are they willing to consider or not consider?  

My definition of fact is information some believe to be true at this moment.  Because let's face it, there are people still debating if the Earth is flat or whether we really went to the moon.  We thought Bill Cosby was a good guy and that blood letting and leaches were a good avenue to treat disease.
Facts change all the time with the amount of knowledge and information we are exposed to and have time to consider.  Facts clearly are also often manipulated for political or financial gain.  
(That's another whole ball of wax.)

Known as Gus-isms, my father has many wonderful words of wisdom that make us ponder.  
There are still some I don't have a clue what they mean but this one I have found to be very true.

Just because you don't understand me doesn't make me wrong.
Event, item of information, or state of affairs existing, observed, or known to have happened, and which is confirmed or validated to such an extent that it is considered 'reality.'

Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/fact.html

Event, item of information, or state of affairs existing, observed, or known to have happened, and which is confirmed or validated to such an extent that it is considered 'reality.'

Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/fact.html


Event, item of information, or state of affairs existing, observed, or known to have happened, and which is confirmed or validated to such an extent that it is considered 'reality.'

Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/fact.html
So- in general, doctors say to those who are looking for options for healing ALS that it's Impossible.
When you have experienced the Impossible (being diagnosed with ALS having never been sick in your life until that point, as one example) in my experience, anything then becomes possible.
Below are a couple links to the Impossible being done on a daily basis.
Tracy and I have worked with both these men directly. They do EXACTLY what they say and show they can do.  It's shocking.  It's life altering.  
It changes your perception of reality.
We are told these things are IMPOSSIBLE and yet- we experienced the impossible ourselves on more than one occasion.  We spoke to many others with documented serious and life threatening illnesses who were healed after western medicine had failed and given up on them.  This includes animals as well as humans taking the Placebo Effect out of the equation for me.
You can debate HOW you BELIEVE it's being done or you might want to consider the answers those who are doing it give. But it IS happening.
How does choosing to believe or not believe impact your life?
What consequence or judgement would you have to deal with if you chose to believe?

Open your mind to new possibilities and enjoy!!!

 Fun with Master Zhou-
This wonderful little 83 year old dynamo was absolutely incredible and I look forward to going back and visiting him again some day.
He created movement and strength in Tracy's legs that was not there before.  After being wheelchair bound for many months Tracy was able to stand for a short time and even took 4 steps with help and then backwards 4 steps.  Tracy had a frozen shoulder issue Master Zhou loosened. 
I have videos that show a bit of Master working with Tracy. I'll try to figure out how to load them on here.  (Talk about a miracle!!)  
 Without context it's really hard to understand how much movement he gained while Master worked on him.
He tells you to say HOT if things get too intense.  I can not express clearly enough how HOT things get.  I mean red hot poker hot.  His energy starts out warm and then you hear the sizzle on the foil and you think, I'm ok, I'm ok....then it quickly becomes clear you are absolutely going to say HOT so he will move the towel and have him quit waving his hand over you for a second.
 We spoke with many he had healed who volunteer to help him now.
There are many videos on You Tube of him going back many years- Universities have studied him (which was actually one of the reasons I chose to give him a chance) as well as being on TV shows.

http://www.masterzhou.com/

 In this first video start at about 35 minutes to see Master Zhou at work.  This is the same room, in the same building, working with the same staff as when we were there.


I just like this one so I'm including it.
This is fun- Stan Lee's Super Human's
I like Stan's last statement at the end of this video.

You can find all sorts of fun videos of Zhou from That's Incredible and Ripley's Believe it or not...
Look around.  I think it helps unbrainwash you when you see so many situations Master Zhou is in where people are looking to discount what he does as a hoax and can't.

Talk about Miracles!!!
If you knew Tracy or his blog at all then you know he was not a big fan of organized religion.
It was a sign of how much he loved me to agree to skype and then eventually meet and have appointments with Dr. Nemeh.

Dr Nemeh is a real medical doctor who just happens to also be able to do what he considers religious healings.   He gave us great sound medical advice that helped us so much.
Now, I know how nuts this is going to sound but I am gonna tell the truth anyway.

I saw in my research that this guy has an incredible success rate during his healing services.  Being a hypnotist I thought- perhaps power of suggestion as much as power of prayer (which I do absolutely believe in as well- again another whole ball of blog post).  
Over skype he improved Tracy's panic and anxiety that was keeping either of us from having any kind of quality of life at that time.  He improved Tracy's swallowing which had become a very dire situation.  Tracy's choking and gasping improved greatly after the very first meeting.  He gave us so much good sound, practical, HEALTH information that helped.
On other visits there was always some kind of improvement but the bottom line was- Tracy really liked him.  He liked and respected this man who was so so different from him.  
Dr. Nemeh is a quiet, gentle man.
I took Tracy to a religious healing service (talk about suffering for Tracy!!!  He was praying that lightning bolt would come down and save him right then and there).  What was REALLY surprising is that I am the one who got a healing!!
They prayed over Tracy.  I thought they were done and then they moved to me.  Now remember there is a whole church full of people with REAL problems hoping for healing so of course I felt instantly guilty (yep, Cathoic up bringing).  I had not told ANYONE.  NO ONE that my back was out because I was Tracy's full time caregiver.  I had in the past tried to get help in a couple times when I had back problems before and it was always a disaster.  More work for me- they couldn't do what I needed them to and I was out $75.  So, it had been a long day on that pew waiting for our turn but who was I to complain when Tracy was sitting right there. (Perspective on suffering).  They do their thing, a hand on the front and back of me, gently praying then POP!!!  I feel it in my back.  Dr. quietly says mmmhhhmmm....then moves on.
At this point I am just stunned.  We go back to our place on the pew and I test and test and test my back.  I twist and turn.  Nothing.  No problem.  I think- power of suggestion (logical, skeptical me).  I think in a few minutes it could wear off.  Then I think- what am I doing!?  I am looking a gift God in the mouth!  I am grateful and thankful.
Now this is still HILARIOUS to me.  
Dr. Nemeh is a very quiet respectful gentle guy.
We go down the line waiting our turn to thank him as we leave the church.
When I get to him I am still flabbergasted!  
I tell him he healed my back!! I am all animated and shocked.  He looks me straight in the eye and with a "look" of DUH he says I KNOW,  and with that gentle smile says what do you think I am doing up there all day! ahahahahahahahahaaa.a..a  
It was soooo out of character for him.  But he takes what he does as a matter of course.  
Yes, Miracles Happen.  
(It's the name of his book).
Dr. Issam Nemeh-
http://drnemeh.com/
https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search;_ylt=AwrDQykqjAhaOT0Ahcc0nIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTBncGdyMzQ0BHNlYwNzZWFyY2gEdnRpZAM-;_ylc=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?gprid=s8Cr_wCdSTyRafNHlLcuKA&pvid=JM58yzEwLjFQuLGCVWagQQM2MjYwMgAAAADsxxqG&p=dr+issam+nemeh+faith+healer&ei=UTF-8&fr2=p%3As%2Cv%3Av%2Cm%3Asa&fr=yhs-adk-adk_sbnt&hsimp=yhs-adk_sbnt&hspart=adk#id=2&vid=826c2db67296c39350359f30b906aa91&action=view


Who do you believe?  
The doctors with zero successes? 
Or the healers with many many documented successes?



Sunday, October 30, 2016

Come on over

Since I am now me and not technically we and Tracy has an amazing blog with many followers I am choosing to keep him alive through his blog site instead of mine.
The goal of my blog was to discuss and share the practical sides of caregiving for ALSers but the truth is I was so busy DOING that I didn't get around to SHARING.

So-I am going to muck up Tracy's blog that he loved so dearly in hopes that it makes him crazy enough on the other side to come back and continue to write:)

Thanks for following along.
Hope this can help.
Me

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Valentine's Day

I am truly happy for all you who will enjoy 
Valentine's Day to the fullest.

I have been asked in many ways if being around happy couples makes me sadder.

On the contrary-
Happy people make me happy.  I have no interest in sitting with sad people who have lost what I have or more, trying to one up each other.  I do however sympathize and empathize greatly with those in the trenches of forced change and I do so enjoy the freedom of the "insiders chat" we can freely share.  Knowing people really understand does give some stability to the roller coaster I am experiencing.

I am not pretending life is a bed of roses without thorns.

There is nothing you can say or do to make me SADDER so quit worrying.  Say what is on your mind.  Ask whatever questions you want.  Give that advice you dared not -"too soon".
Bringing Tracy's name up makes me know you miss him too and in some ways it keeps him alive.  But also realize- don't feel OBLIGATED to wallow in that remembering if it makes YOU sad because then you will avoid talking to me and that WILL make me sad.

Clearly I am no expert on much of anything and as many have pointed out over the last few years I am not necessarily middle of the road on my views.  As a matter of fact many can't even SEE my view (point) standing right next to me.  I'm fine with that.
I write this because I hope that it can help anyone in anyway- including myself and it's my gift to Tracy because he Sooooo LOVED to pour his heart out to you all.

This holiday is another in the line of firsts without- and again it has taken me by surprise that this Hallmark Holiday is actually tougher than any so far, even Tracy's birthday.  Most people just give a card and a kiss or go to dinner, maybe some flowers.  It's not a month long international celebration with movie stars promoting their wares.  

What it is for me, is a time to reflect on those nearest and dearest to me and why they are.  THIS has been a very difficult holiday for me because there are no distractions.  Nothing else to focus on BUT that reality.  

We were lucky enough to have a crazy love affair that started in high school and surely will never end. 

But even in my sadness, automatically I think of all of you who showed your love in so many amazing ways to both of us.  That really does help.  And I thank you all and I love you all for being so giving and sharing with that very special gift.

~So Really~
Happy Valentine's Day


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

New Year

I can't quite get myself to say HAPPY with New Year yet.
I am so thankful to all of you who have helped me through this journey and for those of you who continue to support me in so many amazing ways.

I have spent time with the grand boys and my kids.  I have started a very part time job that is an absolute miracle in fit and focus.  I have been given time and freedom and security to heal.  I have been included into the local community with open arms.

But this is all the PollyAmy stuff.
The easy stuff.
 It's not the gritty truths that Tracy was so fond of sharing and you all were so brave in receiving.

I really had expected to  continue Tracy's blog with a bold diligence and consistency.  It's not that I have forgotten.  It's that it's a lot harder than I thought to just pour out what I am thinking or feeling without regard to others.  It's not others opinions of my writing that is my issue.  It's the thought that I may hurt or upset others.  Our truths are not pleasant ones in many cases.  What is the balance that justifies this risk?

There are so many really unpleasant facts of our journey that I haven't shared because that is not my nature.  But if I could save anyone from any of the unnecessary suffering we went through I feel it's worth it and yet....I find myself not writing.

I get called or emailed from a variety of people with health issues and I have no problem sharing exuberantly the "truths" of our situation with them directly because I know there is no emotional shrapnel to have to consider. 

I still get correspondence from people who share how helpful and inspiring Tracy's writings were and are to them.   THIS is why I am interested in continuing to put myself in the trenches instead of leaving ALS far behind.  In my search to find the TRUTH about ALS and healing I had so many helpful people who gave us information, guidance, encouragement and hope.  This allowed us to LIVE each day instead of counting the days until we died.  THIS is Soooo important for the world to understand.

So many people have encouraged me to write our story.
They have provided beautiful journals and have provided information and connections.
If I can't write a blog post how would I ever get the courage to write a book?

People keep telling me to focus on myself.  Don't worry about others at this point in my life they say.
Helping others IS helping myself I think loudly to myself.  This feels healing to me. 

So much to consider.
The journey continues.
Thanks for listening.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

T'is the Season

Merry Christmas to ALL!  All who have helped me get through the last few years and the last few months.
I am so lucky to have so many friends and such a loving family.
I really do love you all.

Kiss noise,
ME

Monday, November 30, 2015

T'is the Season

Happy Holiday Y'all!

Well, happy-ish.  We made it through the "first" holiday after Tracy decided to go see what's on the other side.  (Yes, he did come back for a quick visit to say I was right, which I knew, because why would I argue for something I knew was wrong, right?  But that's another post).

This post is prompted by the support groups that contact me to make sure I am doing okay which is nice but so far I have not found personally helpful yet due to their focus I think.  Maybe I am in the same denial that the medical world kept trying to "encourage" out of me since the day of our diagnosis of ALS.

I want to thank all the wonderful people who HAVE been so extremely loving, sharing and helpful to Tracy and I all through our journey.  Even those and sometimes especially those who did not necessarily agree with Tracy or I in our view points but were willing to listen, argue and /or stir the pot with us.  It ALL helped and showed us how committed you were and are to allowing us to live the best life we can no matter what the circumstances.

Thanksgiving
We had our ups and downs and sidewayses.  There were tears and hugs but also laughter and stories and typical merriment that Tracy would have loved and some he would have avoided like the plague. 

We made a plan together to be prepared to be 
HAPPY on Thanksgiving Day.  
We discussed that we all miss Tracy.  That is going to be true for me for a very long time I "imagine", but that Thanksgiving is one of Tracy's very favorite holidays because cooking and eating is the major focus of that holiday that brings people together and he did sooooooo love to show off his culinary skills, so let's not waste it.
Rachel did a fantastic job channeling her father in the kitchen and did him proud all the way around with the help of Nick and Paige and friends.  Sarah, Tim and the Kiddos went to El Dorado AR to be with their other family so we could all get to be together for Christmas.

We made the choice to grieve before and after in whatever ways we need to but ON THANKSGIVING DAY, a day specifically to be remembered and passed down thru our heritage, we would focus on all the GOOD about the day.  
And you know what- it worked!!!

I have to admit- the days leading up to Thanksgiving were surprisingly emotional for me.  I think part of that for me is that I am also trying to figure out where I am going physically and financially as well as emotionally.  But Thanksgiving Day was a wonderful celebration with the kids and new friends and calls from the family around the country.  Again I am going to say- there were moments of sadness that we admitted to and waded thru but the day I feel will be remembered with a smile.  It was a GOOD DAY.

The idea that so many, including the support groups,  point out repeatedly, is that you most likely will be sad and miserable and lonely at the holidays, with the thought that somehow being prepared for it will make you "feel better" or not as bad, makes no sense to me. But then I am reminded often, I am not typical in the way I view the world.  Is it just me?  What is the goal of that mindset?  Is it to make you less miserable (which means you need to be miserable to have this thought process be successful).  Are they making sure you KNOW that you are supposed to be miserable in case you didn't get the memo?  Is it to make you feel included in that Group of Grievers?

As a hypnotist- you know you do NOT point to that which you Don't want.  Telling people what NOT to do does not create a path for what you want them TO focus on.  To say, "watch my hand.  I am going to slap you in the forehead.  Watch for it....watch for it.....THERE" SMACK!  Now, did seeing it coming stop the sting or did it still hurt??   Wouldn't it make more sense to say- there is a lot of slapping going on out there.  If you prefer to get out of the way of the majority of the slapping step to the hugging and happiness section.  It may not get you out of the way completely but a nice hug sure takes the sting out of a thoughtless slap because you are watering the event down with more than one emotion (not completely eliminating an emotion).  And if you aren't standing in the misery it's a lot easier to avoid getting hit with it as often. It's about your focus.  Hap or Piness.... Put the stress on the wrong syllable and you get a WHOLE different meaning:)

It is a common form of emotional support and therapy to discuss "look for these signs of sadness and depression and recognize it as such.  Yes, you want people to understand that it is NORMAL to feel grief but to then DO the things that increase misery instead of relieve it seems to me to be counter productive.   Now since I am not the brightest bulb in the pack I am willing to explore that which I don't understand.  I have considered this "kindness" they keep calling and offering to me is actually the best way to do things as I am new to the whole grieving widow thing.  The saying that Misery Loves Company rolls to the front of my brain.   No one wants to be alone.  It feels great to have a connection with others especially under stressful situations knowing they understand. But do you really want to sit around with other miserable people when you are sad?  Does that REALLY make you feel better?

I have a very dear friend who shockingly lost her husband in a freak spontaneous way at the same time Tracy passed so she is dealing with some of what I IMAGINE I am.  I am grieving her loss too.  I have no idea what she is really going thru because just as I have learned in health and healing- every situation has so many variables, that there is no exact recipe to go by.  Would I feel better if her husband was dancing around laughing WITH her physically on this planet right now.  OF COURSE I would!  So, no. My misery does not want any darn company in that arena.  Her being miserable in NO WAY makes me feel any better.  It's not a competition.  No one has it any better or worse.  The the world of Suckdom- all things are equal.

I have found comfort in her correspondence, kindness and love.  It's not so much what she says specifically but that she is taking the time during her own grief to think of me.  The message that we are there for each other is the comfort.  We are not alone- even tho we at times feel very alone,  not being with who we want to be with.  Yes, it's good to share and relate to each other.  But neither of us wallows in the sadness trying to invite the other in that quicksand.  We remind each other-it's one step at a time with the focus being-some how we are going to make it thru this and when we doubt it the other is there to lift us both up, not commiserate on how awful things are.  Together and separately we will find a way to be happy again,  just in a new way. 

I don't need any reminder at any time that I am or was or might be sad and miserable as if I might forget or miss it if they don't call and mention it to me.  The idea that people are going to prepare you for what you are about to go through so you are not shocked may have some value but there are two sides to that coin.  
1).  There is NO WAY to be prepared to lose a loved one really.  It hurts no matter what.  
2). To tell someone over and over again by many sources and some authority figures that you ARE going to be miserable and sad, especially when you are emotional-MAKES THEM MISERABLE AND SAD.  
That is how hypnosis works.  I have been studying it with great fascination for 25 years.  I can tell you from personal experience I have NEVER felt better or relieved in any way when someone told Tracy and I to be prepared for something awful that you can not stop.  Do you have to be practical and prepared for things? Maybe.  But if that is the ONLY thing being talked about and focused on you are pointing them to the path of depression. 

Have you ever been feeling pretty good and someone comes along and asks what's wrong or if you are sick or not feeling well?  What do you do?  You begin to search for WHY they would say that.  Then you begin to FEEL for it in your body.  Does something hurt?  You look in the mirror to see What about you LOOKS bad or sick.  All the focus is on relating to that which was pointed out. You now totally ignore the fact your skin looks good and your eyes are bright and your clothes fit well.

Now, it's important to understand that I am not saying Ignore your feelings.  ALL feelings are important.  That is why you have them.  I am pointing out that for some reason, that seems illogical to me, the majority of the world believes, it is some how comforting and healing to point out how miserable you probably are and that by reminding you of that and relating to that they know how you feel so you are not alone in your grief.  If I hit my finger with a hammer and you pick up a hammer and smash yours- MY FINGER STILL HURTS THE SAME.  I just have to worry about YOUR finger too now.  

Wouldn't it be a better plan to just ask questions- what do you need?  How can I help?
Tell the truth to them in positive ways- Are you getting more sleep?  You sure look well rested or Wow, you surprise me with how much you have accomplished lately.

My mindset is- If what you are doing does not make you happier or healthier in some way- why are you doing it?  Grieving in a healthy way is a way to get back to being healthier and happier.

I am not a therapist.  I am not an expert on anything.  I am a person wading through life just like everyone else.  For some reason, in many ways,  I don't experience life like others.  I don't understand things like others.  So I am sharing my experiences in hopes that others may learn from me and perhaps others may take the time to share with me what they believe  I am misunderstanding.

For those grieving or not- Expect to enjoy the holidays.  Create ways to enjoy the holidays.  Look forward to enjoying the holidays starting right this minute because NOW is the only REAL time you have.  Why waste it? 

T'is the Season to be Jolly- Fa-la-la-la- la....
 





 





Wednesday, November 18, 2015

LInking


 After taking an extraordinarily long time to write this post on Tracy's blog I am cheating again on my own by linking it risking the chance you won't be interested in it fast enough to click the link.
But I see you as an inquisitive bunch and have faith you will at least give it 2 or 3 seconds to decide.