I am truly happy for all you who will enjoy
Valentine's Day to the fullest.
I have been asked in many ways if being around happy couples makes me sadder.
On the contrary-
Happy people make me happy. I have no interest in sitting with sad
people who have lost what I have or more, trying to one up each other. I
do however sympathize and empathize greatly with those in the trenches
of forced change and I do so enjoy the freedom of the "insiders chat" we can freely share. Knowing people really understand does give some stability to the roller coaster I am experiencing.
I am not pretending life is a bed of roses without thorns.
There is nothing you can say or do to make me SADDER so quit worrying. Say what is on your mind. Ask whatever questions you want. Give that advice you dared not -"too soon".
Bringing Tracy's name up makes me know you miss him too and in some ways it keeps him alive. But also realize- don't feel OBLIGATED to wallow in that remembering if it makes YOU sad because then you will avoid talking to me and that WILL make me sad.
Clearly I am no expert on much of anything and as many have pointed out over the last few years I am not necessarily middle of the road on my views. As a matter of fact many can't even SEE my view (point) standing right next to me. I'm fine with that.
I write this because I hope that it can help anyone in anyway- including myself and it's my gift to Tracy because he Sooooo LOVED to pour his heart out to you all.
This holiday is another in the line of firsts without- and again it has taken me by surprise that this Hallmark Holiday is actually tougher than any so far, even Tracy's birthday. Most people just give a card and a kiss or go to dinner, maybe some flowers. It's not a month long international celebration with movie stars promoting their wares.
What it is for me, is a time to reflect on those nearest and dearest to me and why they are. THIS has been a very difficult holiday for me because there are no distractions. Nothing else to focus on BUT that reality.
We were lucky enough to have a crazy love affair that started in high school and surely will never end.
But even in my sadness, automatically I think of all of you who showed your love in so many amazing ways to both of us. That really does help. And I thank you all and I love you all for being so giving and sharing with that very special gift.
~So Really~
Happy Valentine's Day
